I've shared bits and pieces of my testimony before but I thought I would take a few minutes and lay it out.
I was raised by my mom primarily. My dad is an alcoholic and has been on and off drugs for years. He was mentally and physically abusive to my mom. I remember times where they would physically fight, as well as constant screaming. There have been more times then I can remember that we would have to sleep in my room with the door blocked because he had a gun and was threatening to kill her/us. We lived with him on and off until I was 7. I still had to visit him and I remember all the times we would have to meet at the police station so he would not hurt my mom yet they made me go every other weekend. I ended up going to 8 different schools so I never really got in with the good crowd.
Fast forward till I was in the 7th grade. I started hanging out with the bad crowd and smoked Marijuana for the first time. I lied to a boyfriend and told him I was 16 and we dated for a long while. He introduced me to ecstasy, meth, and cocaine. I started sneaking out and skipping school to be with him and get high. When I was in 8th grade I got busted selling baby aspirins as school passing them off as ecstasy. The school gave me an option of going to Drug counseling or permanent suspension. I ended up going but it was just because my mom made me. I ended up transferring to Valley Springs and that's where the real trouble started. I got caught with a guy who had busted out of juvenile hall and breaking an entering with him to get high. I was so lucky they found him and the cop gave me a good rough frisking and talk but they didn't press any charges on me. I was constantly trying to find anyway to get away from my family. I had a friend Josh who lived next door and he would come up and we would smoke in my bathroom while I was babysitting my little sister. I started dabbling in witchcraft and met some friends who really got me into it all. Eventually my mom got into church. I was raised in and out of church but we never stayed in more then a few months and it was all a joke to me. We started going to Mt Zion and I was starting to enjoy it but I didn't want to part with my old friends and ways. One day after I had gotten suspended my mom asked Pastor Cecil if he would talk to me. She had already gotten saved and was trying to keep us in church.
When I went to meet with Pastor Cecil I was SO mad. I refused to talk to him and just sat there. I will never forge he had a painting that was a deception of Heaven and Hell. I asked him what was up with the creepy picture and he explained it to me. I laughed and we just kinda talked. I always thought he was a nice guy. Well that night when I laid down it weighed heavy on my heart. I kept thinking what if it's true. What is Hell was real. My mind was filled with lies and Satan so it kept trying to convince me that it was all fake. But I had let God slip a foot in the door of my heart and Praise God he KICKED it open. In the period of about 3 weeks I had alot of questions that pastor Cecil was amazing about answering. Then in Feb 2001 I gave my heart to the Lord.
MY hardest struggle was getting away from my past. I tried to distance myself from my friend because that was the only way I knew how to get away from them. Some took it in stride and moved on without me. Others held on for dear life and almost drug me back in without even knowing what they were doing. I was struggling heard with my addictions so my mom decided to start me in homeschool. My sister had been doing it for a while. It was the best choice we ever made. I was able to focue on school but more importantly focus on my savior!
When I was 16 I met Alan. We started dating in 2003 and got married in 2004. I'm so thankful to God he brought me from the dark places I had been. While this story is brief it is still the story of amazing grace. I once was lost and now I'm found! Everyday I wake up is another day I've been blessed with and I plan to do my best to glorify him in every way!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
This weeks Menu
Friday 7/19- Homemade Pizza and French bread
Saturday 7/20 - BBQ Chicken / Greek Salad / French Bread
Sunday 7/21- Left over BBQ Chicken / Green Beans/ French Bread
Monday 7/22- Sloppy Joes ( pioneer Women recipe) and blue corn tortilla chips
Tuesday 7/23- Left over sloppy Joe and blue corn tortilla chips
Wednesday 7/24- Cubed Deer Steak /Potatoes / Salad / Grilled peppers
Thursday 7/25- Green Beans/ Fried potatoes / and Mediterranean rice
Friday 7/26- Cubed Deer Steak / Green Beans / Fried Rice
Sat 7/27- Pancakes/ eggs/ turkey bacon
Sun- 7/28- Hebrew National hot dogs, and BC tortilla chips
Mon- 7/29- Deer Filet / Green Beans/ Brown Rice
Tue 7/30 -BBQ Chicken / Green Beans / Fried Potatoes
Wed 7/31- Salads w/ grilled chicken
Thur -Alan off Eat out.
Saturday 7/20 - BBQ Chicken / Greek Salad / French Bread
Sunday 7/21- Left over BBQ Chicken / Green Beans/ French Bread
Monday 7/22- Sloppy Joes ( pioneer Women recipe) and blue corn tortilla chips
Tuesday 7/23- Left over sloppy Joe and blue corn tortilla chips
Wednesday 7/24- Cubed Deer Steak /Potatoes / Salad / Grilled peppers
Thursday 7/25- Green Beans/ Fried potatoes / and Mediterranean rice
Friday 7/26- Cubed Deer Steak / Green Beans / Fried Rice
Sat 7/27- Pancakes/ eggs/ turkey bacon
Sun- 7/28- Hebrew National hot dogs, and BC tortilla chips
Mon- 7/29- Deer Filet / Green Beans/ Brown Rice
Tue 7/30 -BBQ Chicken / Green Beans / Fried Potatoes
Wed 7/31- Salads w/ grilled chicken
Thur -Alan off Eat out.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Judes Birth Story( am I honestly just posting this 9 months later!?)
So I was talking to a girl I used to work with about Jude being in NICU the other day and she asked if I had posted his birth story on my blog. I said yes but then after going back and looking I don't think I ever actually did...I posted a brief thing about it while he was still in NICU and a couple little details but never the whole thing. So here we go 9 months later...
Jude Elijah Wright-Birth Story
I was set to go to the Dr on Oct 9th for my last non-stress test. I went in and they did a scan and told me to be at the hospital that night at 9. Alan had to work till 7 so I picked him up and we grabbed something for dinner then we got up there about 8 since I'm notoriously early. They got me right in my room and the Dr came in to explain what we would be doing. At around 10:30 they started me on the cytotec. I honestly had no idea what it was and once I had taken it and figured out I refused anymore. They said that was fine since my contractions where coming along fine. So they said to rest and the Dr would come in the morning to start the induction. Well resting is not what I did. I honestly may have slept and hour if that. I was so excited/scared/all wired up. So 8 came and Dr M came in explained pitocin to me and how it all would work. She checked me but I was still only 1cm and 50% effaced. I loved her throughout most the pregnancy but she then proceeded to break my water without telling me and I was very upset about that. It basically put me on a 12 hour timetable before they started to push a c-section which I did not want if possible. They started the pitocin and within 5 minutes I was starting to get contractions I could feel. They were not extremely painful and I told my mom if this was it I could handle it lol. They proceeded to come in about every 30 mins to and hour and up the pitocin. After about 4 hours I was maxed out per the Dr orders and I was REALLY feeling them. I don't have a high pain tolerance at all but I was making it ok. The hardest part was my back. I was having insane pain in my back with every contraction. I insisted on walking around as best I could since I was hooked to the monitor. I circled back and forth around my bed, climbed up and down off it and just tried to keep moving. Alan was amazing and with every bad contraction to have him stand behind me and apply pressure to my lower back helped a little. I had a student midwife who was training and they had asked if I would allow her to be present and help. She was very helpful on good positions and ways to calm my nerves. After a while though I'm not going to lie she started to get on my nerves as she was constantly telling me I didn't need meds, and I didn't need an epidural and I just got mad lol and said well if I want one I'm getting it end of story. She left and never came back. She may want to work on that before she gets her own patients. Suggestions are great but do not tell a laboring woman what she is and isn't going to do haha.
Alan, my mom, Neal, and my friend Heather where in the room with me. Around 2pm Mom, Neal and Heather stepped out to stretch their legs and get a bite to eat and they came and checked me. I was up to 5 cm 100% effaced. The dr gave orders to up the pitocin more and it got worse. I decided to try to lay for a little as I was so tired from not sleeping the night before plus I had a cold the week before so I had not had a good nights sleep in weeks. But it was not happening, the pain in my back was so intense I couldn't stand to lay. So I just stood and swayed back and forth. Sounds stupid but something about the motion just helped me through it. MY blood sugar had dropped some so they had me eat a icepop and it was heaven. Around 6 they came back in to check me and I was still at 5 cm even after the increase. She suggested I get an epidural since I was in tears at this point and felt like someone was breaking my back. I got the epidural and I regretted it as soon as it started working. I suffer from pretty bad panic disorder and that feeling send me into a mild panic. Plus only my right side was really going numb. They came in and adjusted the tubing and did it again and it really started working. Once again though from being so nervous I could not rest.
Around 6:30 they came in to check baby because his heart rate kept dropping. They turned the pitocin off and checked me again I was still 5 cm. The nurse did my vitals and I had developed a fever of 102.5 so my Dr came in and suggested we go ahead with a c-section. I agreed but I also broke down in tears. I was upset yes but more just scared. I just wanted to get my baby out healthy. Dr M was very sweet and even cried too saying she hates to even have to do it but she just wants what is best for us and I honestly believed her. They came in and prepped me in the room. By then Alan's mom and dad and gotten there to and Neal led everyone in prayer over Jude and I. They rolled me into the OR and Alan followed shortly.
This was honestly probably the easiest and scariest all in one. I started having panic attacks multiple times but I had an AMAZING anesthesiologist who stayed right at my head talking to me and making sure I was ok. He also sang Hey Jude for me and said he couldn't wait to see him because he loved the Beatles and had never met a Jude :). When she held him up over the curtain I think my heart literally stopped for a moment. It was the most amazing thing and I was instantly in love. I told Alan not to leave his side so he went with them to clean him up while they closed me up. They have a huge bid screen right next to your head so you can watch the baby and see everything they are doing while you lay there. He got all 8's and 0's on his apgar scoring. They moved me back off the table and then handed me Jude. I remember my first words to him where Happy Birthday sweet guy. My first words to Alan were has he got your crazy hair <3.
When we got into recovery they shad the pediatricians come in anc check him again as he was making alot of grunting and whistly breathing. They said he looked good to them. He latched on like a champ and I was able to feed him with no problems. Around 9 we got up to the mother baby floor and as they were doing their check they rushed out with the baby and I yelled at Alan to go! The other nurse told me he was getting dusky( turning blue) and they were going to take him to the nursery to be checked. After abour 30 minutes they came back with Alan and said he looked good. Family came up for a little while and left since it was past visiting hours. They left us alone with our little man for the first time. He was so amazing. He slept mostly but finally acted like he wanted to nurse. He started nuring but then it was like he was gasping for air. He started turning blue and Alan ran out to get someone. They came in and once again took off to nursery with Alan right behind. I sat there with no clue what was going on until around 12am. It as the longest time in my life. Alan felt horrible but he knew I'd rather him stay right there. They said his pediatrician wanted to put him in NICU because he had an infection and was spitting up some weird green bile. I had not seen him since about 9:30 and was going crazy. I said I wanted to go but they said I had to stay in the bed and rest. I had a very sweet nurse and she said she would take me up around 5am. Well Needless to say I didn't sleep AGAIN. At 4:55 I rang the nurse bell and said OK take me.
She put me in a wheelchair and we made our way up 1 floor to NICU. After not seeing my baby for almost 8 hours she rolls me up to him and he was covered in tubs, and wires, and hooked up to some machine that wouldn't stop beeping. I couldn't handle it and I just bawled my eyes out. Alan had been there with him and explained what was happening. He was hooked on an Iv for fluids and medication. He told me that they had pumped his little stomach to try to remove as much of the bile as possible. The though broke me in half. I asked to hold him and as soon as I got him his heart rate went steady. It was amazing. I put him skin to skin and he just melted into my arms right where he should be.
The next 4 days are a blur to me. In the NICU no one is allowed in there between 6-7 am and 6-7pm except staff for shift change. That was the ONLY time I left. We had great nurses and we had horrible nurses. I was told I could not breastfeed him because every-time I picked him up I "messed the wires up". I fought tooth and nail and refused to give him a bottle. After day 2 he would not latch. I found out later they had been giving him bottles in those times when I was not allowed in. They would tell me I was crazy I needed to sleep. They were probably right but I was not leaving my baby. I slept when I could in the chair for a few minutes here and there and I snuggled my baby. Family came and visited and we had an amazing Pediatrician Dr Thingvoll who was in love with Jude.
If you've never been in NICU it's a very depressing place. You have no privacy other then curtains. There are about 8 babies in one hall just separated by curtains. I was so sad because I seen babies lay there and parents NEVER came to see them. I literally spent a few hours a day just praying for these babies and their family's it was so sad. Well when Dr Thingvoll found out I was very stubborn and I was not leaving Judes side he put in a special request and got us moved to a transition room. Talk about relief! It's nothing fancy but it's a small wing that has 10 rooms in it. You have the baby crib and all the hook ups, a pull out couch, a recliner and your own bathroom!! Once we moved in they did a GI scan and figured out Jude had sever Acid Reflux. We were set to come home Monday the 15th. But it didn't happen. Sunday night Jude started having bradycardia spells. It's where the heart rate drops below 80. His would dip down ito the 40's setting the alarm off. All the nurses would run in and we would kinda have to startle him and it would come back up. That night he had over 75 occurrences. Dr. Thingvoll came in the next morning and said unfortunately they could not release him like this. They started him on prilosec that day. I won't go into all the NICU details. It is a long and horrible story of nurses who didn't communicate and made our lives a living hell. In a nutshell finally on Wed the 17th Alan went to the head of the NICU and freaked out on them. We had a meeting and I laid it out what was going to be done and how. After that we had no problems and great nurses. They kept saying they couldn't believe how self sufficient we were. I didn't understand until I finally left the room for the first time and seen the same thing I had seen in our NICU hall. They're were babies in these rooms with NO parents! It made me mad because it was not easy to get these rooms! They're were other families who wanted to be in these rooms and couldn't get it because these other people were taking them.
So on Thursday the 18th they came in and said he looked great and as long as he went 24 hours with no occurrences we would get out Friday. He did great and we finally headed home on Friday the 19th. He was 9 days old and we hadn't slept in over 10 days for more then 2-3 hours a day here and there lol. Home was like heaven!
It was an wonderful.terrible experience all in one. All that matters to me now though is the beautiful soul we were blessed with! If I have another I will fight harder for my rights. but hindsight is 20/20 we live and learn.
Jude Elijah Wright-Birth Story
I was set to go to the Dr on Oct 9th for my last non-stress test. I went in and they did a scan and told me to be at the hospital that night at 9. Alan had to work till 7 so I picked him up and we grabbed something for dinner then we got up there about 8 since I'm notoriously early. They got me right in my room and the Dr came in to explain what we would be doing. At around 10:30 they started me on the cytotec. I honestly had no idea what it was and once I had taken it and figured out I refused anymore. They said that was fine since my contractions where coming along fine. So they said to rest and the Dr would come in the morning to start the induction. Well resting is not what I did. I honestly may have slept and hour if that. I was so excited/scared/all wired up. So 8 came and Dr M came in explained pitocin to me and how it all would work. She checked me but I was still only 1cm and 50% effaced. I loved her throughout most the pregnancy but she then proceeded to break my water without telling me and I was very upset about that. It basically put me on a 12 hour timetable before they started to push a c-section which I did not want if possible. They started the pitocin and within 5 minutes I was starting to get contractions I could feel. They were not extremely painful and I told my mom if this was it I could handle it lol. They proceeded to come in about every 30 mins to and hour and up the pitocin. After about 4 hours I was maxed out per the Dr orders and I was REALLY feeling them. I don't have a high pain tolerance at all but I was making it ok. The hardest part was my back. I was having insane pain in my back with every contraction. I insisted on walking around as best I could since I was hooked to the monitor. I circled back and forth around my bed, climbed up and down off it and just tried to keep moving. Alan was amazing and with every bad contraction to have him stand behind me and apply pressure to my lower back helped a little. I had a student midwife who was training and they had asked if I would allow her to be present and help. She was very helpful on good positions and ways to calm my nerves. After a while though I'm not going to lie she started to get on my nerves as she was constantly telling me I didn't need meds, and I didn't need an epidural and I just got mad lol and said well if I want one I'm getting it end of story. She left and never came back. She may want to work on that before she gets her own patients. Suggestions are great but do not tell a laboring woman what she is and isn't going to do haha.
Alan, my mom, Neal, and my friend Heather where in the room with me. Around 2pm Mom, Neal and Heather stepped out to stretch their legs and get a bite to eat and they came and checked me. I was up to 5 cm 100% effaced. The dr gave orders to up the pitocin more and it got worse. I decided to try to lay for a little as I was so tired from not sleeping the night before plus I had a cold the week before so I had not had a good nights sleep in weeks. But it was not happening, the pain in my back was so intense I couldn't stand to lay. So I just stood and swayed back and forth. Sounds stupid but something about the motion just helped me through it. MY blood sugar had dropped some so they had me eat a icepop and it was heaven. Around 6 they came back in to check me and I was still at 5 cm even after the increase. She suggested I get an epidural since I was in tears at this point and felt like someone was breaking my back. I got the epidural and I regretted it as soon as it started working. I suffer from pretty bad panic disorder and that feeling send me into a mild panic. Plus only my right side was really going numb. They came in and adjusted the tubing and did it again and it really started working. Once again though from being so nervous I could not rest.
Around 6:30 they came in to check baby because his heart rate kept dropping. They turned the pitocin off and checked me again I was still 5 cm. The nurse did my vitals and I had developed a fever of 102.5 so my Dr came in and suggested we go ahead with a c-section. I agreed but I also broke down in tears. I was upset yes but more just scared. I just wanted to get my baby out healthy. Dr M was very sweet and even cried too saying she hates to even have to do it but she just wants what is best for us and I honestly believed her. They came in and prepped me in the room. By then Alan's mom and dad and gotten there to and Neal led everyone in prayer over Jude and I. They rolled me into the OR and Alan followed shortly.
This was honestly probably the easiest and scariest all in one. I started having panic attacks multiple times but I had an AMAZING anesthesiologist who stayed right at my head talking to me and making sure I was ok. He also sang Hey Jude for me and said he couldn't wait to see him because he loved the Beatles and had never met a Jude :). When she held him up over the curtain I think my heart literally stopped for a moment. It was the most amazing thing and I was instantly in love. I told Alan not to leave his side so he went with them to clean him up while they closed me up. They have a huge bid screen right next to your head so you can watch the baby and see everything they are doing while you lay there. He got all 8's and 0's on his apgar scoring. They moved me back off the table and then handed me Jude. I remember my first words to him where Happy Birthday sweet guy. My first words to Alan were has he got your crazy hair <3.
When we got into recovery they shad the pediatricians come in anc check him again as he was making alot of grunting and whistly breathing. They said he looked good to them. He latched on like a champ and I was able to feed him with no problems. Around 9 we got up to the mother baby floor and as they were doing their check they rushed out with the baby and I yelled at Alan to go! The other nurse told me he was getting dusky( turning blue) and they were going to take him to the nursery to be checked. After abour 30 minutes they came back with Alan and said he looked good. Family came up for a little while and left since it was past visiting hours. They left us alone with our little man for the first time. He was so amazing. He slept mostly but finally acted like he wanted to nurse. He started nuring but then it was like he was gasping for air. He started turning blue and Alan ran out to get someone. They came in and once again took off to nursery with Alan right behind. I sat there with no clue what was going on until around 12am. It as the longest time in my life. Alan felt horrible but he knew I'd rather him stay right there. They said his pediatrician wanted to put him in NICU because he had an infection and was spitting up some weird green bile. I had not seen him since about 9:30 and was going crazy. I said I wanted to go but they said I had to stay in the bed and rest. I had a very sweet nurse and she said she would take me up around 5am. Well Needless to say I didn't sleep AGAIN. At 4:55 I rang the nurse bell and said OK take me.
She put me in a wheelchair and we made our way up 1 floor to NICU. After not seeing my baby for almost 8 hours she rolls me up to him and he was covered in tubs, and wires, and hooked up to some machine that wouldn't stop beeping. I couldn't handle it and I just bawled my eyes out. Alan had been there with him and explained what was happening. He was hooked on an Iv for fluids and medication. He told me that they had pumped his little stomach to try to remove as much of the bile as possible. The though broke me in half. I asked to hold him and as soon as I got him his heart rate went steady. It was amazing. I put him skin to skin and he just melted into my arms right where he should be.
The next 4 days are a blur to me. In the NICU no one is allowed in there between 6-7 am and 6-7pm except staff for shift change. That was the ONLY time I left. We had great nurses and we had horrible nurses. I was told I could not breastfeed him because every-time I picked him up I "messed the wires up". I fought tooth and nail and refused to give him a bottle. After day 2 he would not latch. I found out later they had been giving him bottles in those times when I was not allowed in. They would tell me I was crazy I needed to sleep. They were probably right but I was not leaving my baby. I slept when I could in the chair for a few minutes here and there and I snuggled my baby. Family came and visited and we had an amazing Pediatrician Dr Thingvoll who was in love with Jude.
If you've never been in NICU it's a very depressing place. You have no privacy other then curtains. There are about 8 babies in one hall just separated by curtains. I was so sad because I seen babies lay there and parents NEVER came to see them. I literally spent a few hours a day just praying for these babies and their family's it was so sad. Well when Dr Thingvoll found out I was very stubborn and I was not leaving Judes side he put in a special request and got us moved to a transition room. Talk about relief! It's nothing fancy but it's a small wing that has 10 rooms in it. You have the baby crib and all the hook ups, a pull out couch, a recliner and your own bathroom!! Once we moved in they did a GI scan and figured out Jude had sever Acid Reflux. We were set to come home Monday the 15th. But it didn't happen. Sunday night Jude started having bradycardia spells. It's where the heart rate drops below 80. His would dip down ito the 40's setting the alarm off. All the nurses would run in and we would kinda have to startle him and it would come back up. That night he had over 75 occurrences. Dr. Thingvoll came in the next morning and said unfortunately they could not release him like this. They started him on prilosec that day. I won't go into all the NICU details. It is a long and horrible story of nurses who didn't communicate and made our lives a living hell. In a nutshell finally on Wed the 17th Alan went to the head of the NICU and freaked out on them. We had a meeting and I laid it out what was going to be done and how. After that we had no problems and great nurses. They kept saying they couldn't believe how self sufficient we were. I didn't understand until I finally left the room for the first time and seen the same thing I had seen in our NICU hall. They're were babies in these rooms with NO parents! It made me mad because it was not easy to get these rooms! They're were other families who wanted to be in these rooms and couldn't get it because these other people were taking them.
So on Thursday the 18th they came in and said he looked great and as long as he went 24 hours with no occurrences we would get out Friday. He did great and we finally headed home on Friday the 19th. He was 9 days old and we hadn't slept in over 10 days for more then 2-3 hours a day here and there lol. Home was like heaven!
It was an wonderful.terrible experience all in one. All that matters to me now though is the beautiful soul we were blessed with! If I have another I will fight harder for my rights. but hindsight is 20/20 we live and learn.
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