Lets try this again

Well we went back to the Dr today and i had 2 follicules. One 21 mm, and the other 27+(it was partially hidden) So I got my shot and I will be having the procedure tomorrow.
We are so hoping this works out this time. I'm so tired of clomid and shots, and paying out the butt for ultrasounds. lol We could take on another house payment with what we spend in dr bills each month sadly..lol

So the two week wait starts today... oh Joy.

Nicole

oh and just for laughs just because I've pretty much been thru this is # 968 from 999reasons to laugh at fetility.

#968 You’ve held your husband’s sperm cup under your arm pit

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It’s like you’re on The Amazing Race. You must get your husband’s sperm sample to the fertility clinic within 45 minutes.

GO!

You quickly review your options. The clinic is 20 minutes away, 30 in bad traffic. Will you make it if he does his business at home and you race the sample to the clinic? You might make it but just barely. You both decide that it is safer if he gives his sample in the car at the fertility clinic parking lot. Very romantic. But this will maximize time.

Time Remaining: 45 Minutes to get sperm to clinic!
You have driven like a mad woman and you are now sitting in the fertility clinic parking lot. Your husband is looking fearful beside you. “There is no time.” You shout to him and hand him the cup. “GO!” You throw a blanket over top of him and you let him get to work. You turn on the car and play some romantic music – like that will even help. Your husband finishes. You glance inside the cup. Looks plentiful. Good work husband! GO!

Time Remaining: 43 Minutes!A knock on the car door scares the hell out of both of you. It is the parking lot security guard asking you to move your car. Yikes! You are parked in a handicap spot. As you have lost all of your dignity already, you grab your hubby’s sperm cup and stick it in your bra to keep that sperm warm. The security guard does not look impressed. Neither does your husband. GO!

Time Remaining: 30 Minutes!Takes way too long to find a parking spot. But you are not panicking as you have half an hour left and you are right outside of the clinic. You’re wearing a short sleeve shirt and the sperm cup is sticking out from your chest. You quickly put the cup under your arm pit. GO!

Time Remaining: 25 Minutes!Stupid elevator takes a long time. People are staring at you as they notice the cup under your arm pit. Your husband jokingly says aloud “Is that a cup under your arm pit or are you just happy to see me?” You glare at him. GO!

Time Remaining: 20 Minutes!You arrive on the 10th floor and rush into the fertility clinic. There is a line-up at the front desk. You push ahead and other women holding sperm cups under their pits snarl at you. You don’t care. You thrust it into a nurse’s hand and tell her to keep it warm. She takes it from you and you give a sigh of relief. You start to leave and notice that the nurse has stopped to chat with someone. The cup is still in her hands, getting cooler by the minute. GO!

Time Remaining: 15 Minutes!You practically fly into her and yell something about cooling sperm. She smiles politely as if she has heard this many times before. She reassures you and takes away the sperm. You have completed the race with 15 minutes to spare!

If you were on The Amazing Race, you and your husband would have been ‘the first to arrive’ and would have won the one million dollars! Instead of winning the money, you will be giving away money to that fertility clinic. One day, at your child’s wedding, you might even tell them the story of your adventures on The Amazing Race. I’m sure they would love to hear that story!

 

taking care of buisness lol

Ok so everything is taken care of and we can proceed as normal. Dr Holman got me started on my Clomid again today and I go back in for my Mid-cycle Ultrasound 10.10.11. Last month felt like it took forever! lol. So thoughts, prayers, and good wishes would be wonderful this month. I love you all and thank you for everything!

Sorry

I do apologize for basically abandoning my blog for the last few weeks. We have had some crazy stuff come up and had to work thru it. We have an appt tomorrow with Dr Holman to discuss what our next step will be. I do apologize if I haven't responded to your e-mail please be patient with me. I do feel the love checking all your e-mails though and I thank you for your thought, and prayers.
I hope to have some very good news soon.

still waiting

So i received a few e-mailed and msg's wanting to know how things are going since my last post was very vague and not coming from the best place I've ever been.

      Alan and I have both agreed to stay tight lipped on some details we are still working out. I go back into Dr Holman probably next week, I havent set the actual appointment yet.  We are confidant God is in this but we just have to wait for things to play out and make sure it will all work out ok.

   Please just continue to pray for us ad as soon as we hear something and have a for sure answer I will defiantly update.

Nicole

Praise

His plan's never fail.

And oh how I worry.

I probably define the word worry.

Alan and I hit stump in our plans to have a child. We have been in a hard place these last few days just praying something would work out and get us through this.

We may have found our answer, we are just praying and thinking a bit more before jumping in head first.

Please just pray for us and that we make the right choice's and follows God's will.

Stand Strong

25 Scriptural Reasons to Not to Give Up


1. God loves me. I John 4:10 This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

2. My sins are definitely forgiven. Eph. 1:7 He is so rich in kindness that He purchased our freedom through the blood of His Son, and our sins are forgiven.

3. I possess His peace and His righteousness. Rom. 5:1 Therefore, since we have been made right in Gods sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. I Cor. 1:30 God alone made it possible for you to be in Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Christ to be wisdom itself. He is the One who made us acceptable to God. He made us pure and holy, and He gave Himself to purchase our freedom.

4. I am holy and blameless in Gods sight. Col. 1:22 Yet now He has brought you back as His friends. He has done this through His death on the cross in His own human body. As a result, He has brought you into the very presence of God, and
you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault. Eph. 1:4 Long ago, even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.

5. He considers me clean, whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, let us argue this out,” says the Lord. “No matter how deep the stain of your
sins, I can remove it. I can make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you as white as wool.” I John 1:7 But if we are living in the light of Gods presence, just as Christ is, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, cleanses us from every sin.

6. No one can accuse me. Rom. 8:33,34 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? Will God? No! He is the One who has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for He is the One who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us.

7. God has forgotten my sins, even tomorrows sins. Heb. 8:12 “And I will forgive their wrongdoings, and I will never again remember their sins.” Psalm 103:12 He has removed our rebellious acts as far away from us as the east is from the west. I John 1:9 But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.

8. The record of my sins and their requirements have been torn up and destroyed. Col. 2:14 He canceled the record that contained the charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christs cross.

9. I am a complete, whole person. Col. 2:10 …and you are complete through your union with Christ. He is the Lord over every ruler and authority in the universe. Col. 4:12 Epaphras, from your city, a servant of Christ Jesus, sends you his greetings. He always prays earnestly for you, asking God to make you strong and perfect, fully confident of the whole will of God.

10. I am God’s handiwork. He did not make a mistake. Eph. 2:10 For we are Gods masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.

11. God is for me! Rom. 8:31 What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

12. God will never give me up or abandon me. Heb. 13:5 Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never forsake you.”

13. God rescues and protects me from all harm. Psalm 91:9,10 If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling.

14. God has given his angels orders to protect His own. Psalm 91:11 For He orders His angels to protect you wherever you go.

15. Nothing and no one is able to separate me from Gods love. Romans 8:38,39 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death cant, and life cant. The angels cant, and the demons cant. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell cant keep Gods love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

16. God will supply all my needs. Phil. 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given us in Christ Jesus.

17. I have freedom from the slavery to sin. Rom. 6:22 But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life.

18. I have eternal life. I John 5:13 I write this to you who believe in the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life.

19. I am freely given Gods grace. Eph. 1:6 So we praise God for the wonderful kindness He has poured out on us because we belong to His dearly loved Son.

20. I have been given sufficient faith as a gift from God. Eph. 2:8,9 God saved you by His special favor when you believed. And you cant take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

21. I have an advocate, a defense attorney before the Father. I John 2:1 My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if you do sin, there is someone to plead for you before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the One who pleases God completely.

22. I have the very life of God in me. Rom. 8:9-11 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ
living in them are not Christians at all.) Since Christ lives within you, even though your body will die because of sin, you spirit is alive because you have been made right with God. The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as He raised Christ from the dead, He will give life to your mortal body by this same Spirit living within you.

23. God will not allow me to be shaken. Psalm 55:22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

24. I have strength for every situation. Phil. 4:13 For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.

25. I am a part of Gods family. Gal. 4:4,5 But when the right time came, God sent His Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent Him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that He could adopt us as His very own children.

Broken but Blessed

Nursing a headache and a broken heart. 
But grateful to God for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me.
Sometimes the road we think we are meant to walk is not the one God had in mind.
In the moment where the ground is ripped out from below you and you tumble towards the darkness, it's hard to remember that God is right there with arms wide open waiting to catch you.
I pray that in the light of it all God gives me a open heart, and eases the pain and fear.
We have a huge decision to make and it's not going to be easy.
But we will do our best to always follow God's Will.

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain

Not fertility realted

IUI

As I post this blog I'm very nervous /excited for tomorrow. We went in for our Mid-cycle ultrasound today. I had two follicles on the right ovary measuring 28mm and 19mm, and 1 on the left measuring 17mm. Dr Holman left it up to us but said he would suggest going on and doing an IUI.CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO ON IUI'S if your not familiar.
    Long story short I go in tomorrow @ 8:45 to drop off Alan's Sample =], and then we should do the procedure around 9:30ish. I'm so nervous, yet so excited all in one. I told my husband on one hand I'm super negative and thinking oh this will just fail like the other cycles, and on the other hand I'm super positive and thinking oh this may be the time it works...I just hope the positive side is the right side. 

Nicole

TMI POST

Ok this is a TMI post. So if your not into that stop here and don't read any further.... 








Ok for those of you still reading it's not really that big of a TMI post.
I told Alan that if we did not conceive last month that I would try Pre-Seed. If your not sure what Pre-seed is def google it but In brief it is a sperm friendly lubricant that mimics a women's fertile CM(cervical Mucus).

Now that dr has not said I have any CM issues but he said pre-seed is very useful even in women who may not have a lack of CM but that sometimes the PH balance is not right to protect the sperm. A sperm must have a PH balance of 7.0-8.5(I believe it's 8.5 it may be a little lower. Anyway to make a long story short I needs your help!
I need reviews! 
1.)Who of my friends who have suffered or are suffering with infertility have tried it? Did it work?
2.)Any side effects not listed that I should know of? 
3.)Any tips?


     Now I know alot of my family and friends who read this blog are not memebers of bloger so you cannot comment on the blog itself but as always feel free to e-mail me (lisanicolesw@gmail.com if oyu don't already have it) or msg me on facebook. Thanks!








Nicole

preparing for baby

So if you read this blog you obviously know Alan and I are desperately trying for a little one. Since we started on this journey I have picked up some little outfits, and baby things if I find them at yard sales or things like that. Well I went to the pay by the lb goodwill clerance center today and I found so many great deals.
I found 
45 outfits( both girl and boy- onsies and full outfits combined)
3 bath baby bath towels
3 bibs
and 1 little duck washcloth.
   So here's the good part that makes me (the women who doesn't yet ave children, who is out buying children clothes) a little more sane... I paid 12.35 for all of it!  In case you struggle with math as I do thats 23 cent a piece! A.K.A and amazing deal..


Just thought I would share!

I found a post I posted over a year ago in my old blog I wanted to share.

Cycle 4

So tomorrow starts cycle 4 of Clomid. DREADING. I take cycle days 5-9 again, and then go in to the Dr the 12th for a little bit more extensive testings, and the ultrasound. I talked to one of the nurses at the office today( they are that great there), and she said Dr Holman was on vacation this week...which led to me thinking this...
what exactly do you do when your not at work when you spend 8-9 hrs a day looking at who-has...I mean really...
How do you just lay on the beach somewhere and not be like wow I haven't had to look at a who-ha all week...And then you get back and your like dang that week went by fast...

Ok sorry that's honestly what I thought...

Ok facebook games

Today I've seen so many posts saying, Blank weeks pregnant, and craving blank. I want to slap you!!
A.The second I seen it I'm freaking out like WHAT!!!??? someone else is pregnant before me!!!! (then I realized it was my 50 something year old Sunday school teacher...aka probably not happening).
B. It makes me mad. Don't ask me why because I don't know it just makes me grimace...
C.If you really want to "raise awareness" or help a Charity, donate your time, or money. Your facebook status is not helping find a cure!!

Moving on

I'm sad to report that we have failed another cycle. I thought for sure I was pregnant when I wok up this morning and my period had not came. But no Aunt Flow decided to play with my mind and decided to wait later in the day (after I had bought pregnancy test's) to show up at work.
   I was so heart broken AGAIN. I mean I wonder sometimes why do I put myself thru this every month. But I know it's worth it. 
I start clomid again Friday, and go back for my mid-cycle ultrasound 09.12.11.
   I did have an amazingly spirit filled ride home. I got in the car and heard Billy Graham preaching about right when you think God has abandoned you you turn to see he's been by your side the whole time. Then I heart Praise you in this Storm. It was meant for me I'm 100% sure.

A Momentary Pity Party

I was just given the new's of yet another pregnancy. I've had 11 COUNT THEM 11!! people get pregnant since I started fertility treatment. 
I have already said I WILL be happy for them.
I only allowed myself a moment of self pity.
I'm ready to move on now as an adult and stop whining...
Well maybe 5 more minutes...

Mid cycle Ultrasound

So went to the Dr this morning for my Mid Cycle ultrasound. I had one 22 mm follicle on the right ovary, and 1 14 mm follicle on the left( the 14 mm is not considered mature, so technically just one this cycle. I took the HCG shot again as well.
We did sit down and also discuss the possibility of an IUI (click here if you want more information). 

He's not in any rush for us to do the IUI. Just wanted to lay it out on the table as a possibility. So Let's hope this little follicle will soon be our baby!! lol 

 

Infertility: The Music Video (lol)

I found this on 999 reasons to laugh at infertility. I actually laughed out loud to many times to count. lol

downside

Up until this 3rd cycle on clomid I had not had any of the "massive" headaches associated with clomid. Well they defiantly visited me this week! It started last Sunday and I had a bad one the whole morning. I just over looked it thinking it was just a typical headache nothing to really write home about. So starting Thursday I literally had a mind numbing headache ALL DAY. I mean I was almost in tears multiple times at work Thursday. Then Friday same thing. I woke up late this morning and it didn't start until about 12pm but is' been lingering all day. No meds help it either which is what really sucks. I'm worried because last time I went to my primary dr my blood pressure was up a little. Now keep in mind I told her the nurse(who was out that day) usually checks it in the beginning and then again before I leave because I'm always a nervous wreck before I go the doctor lol but she refused. She is having me come back in Oct to have a f/u appt. I guess I will talk to Dr Holman about it Monday and see if he thinks it is Clomid induced first.
         On another note I've got my nerves so wired up for Monday. I keep thinking oh we'll go in and have no follicles which would basically leave us waiting out another cycle. I mean I'm keeping the faith, and I'm being patient, but this is such an exciting time. I mean if we go in and we have produced follicles I at least have hope this could be the time. So I guess we will just wait and see what happens!

Get Motivated

I went to the Get Motivated Seminar today and well I was Motivated. Not only in work, but in life goals, ect. Just wanted to add that note in lol.
The Clomid is finished and my ovary's are hurting!
I go in Monday to have the U;ultrasound to see if the Clomid helped me make follicles this month(oh please oh please).

I've also started eating a Diabetic friendly diet. Now while I'm not technically Diabetic I do deal with the Insulin Resistance so it only helps. 
I may not have time to post much more this week. But I will let everyoneknow how the appt goes Monday!
Love you all and God Bless!
Nicole

encouragement

I received a very encouraging e-mail from a friend regarding my new Blog. Her husband and her have also been struggling with PCOS and infertility. I'd like to add a small piece that really moved me...

 One night we were hanging out with a friend's parents and out of the blue, our friend's mom reached over to me and said, "I'm praying for your womb." I had never shared the pain and heartache we felt, so I was taken a back by her candidness-- and embarrassed. So, a long story to basically say, I'm praying for your womb. And for your encouragement. I'll be thinking of you guys and praying for you often. God bless you on this journey!

To keep her identity a closed subject I did remove most the E-mail as they are expecting a little one of their own and would like to wait a little longer before sharing the good news! These words she said to me though meant so much. I mean people always says oh we are praying for you, and yes your thankful. But never before have I thought "Oh WOW, she really cares, and she is really side by side with us petitioning God for this child in our lives.

        I guess it just comes down to the fact of many times I have been angry with God and questioned WHY? Why do these people who don't even deserve kids have them, and why do people who don't want them  and don't take care for them have them. God has answered me with a simple yet very clear answer. Who am I to ever question his will, his power, and his plan. If God puts something into place it only happens when it is in his time, and on track with his will. So I'm left having Faith that He has never left me in this scary journey. He has always been right there whispering in my ear keep going child. I'm here with you. And when you wake up that day and see how fully I've blessed you along this path you will stand in Awe. When I finally hold my Child I'll experience it in a way some people will never understand. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

999 Reasons to laugh at Infetility.

 I love 999 rasons to laugh at infertility. It's so funny to read thru these and see I'm not the only crazy person out there lol.

Check it out @ 999reasonstolaugh

One of my favorites so far though is # 654. This especially apply's to me since Alan works in the Walmart Pharmacy. I have to go in there more often the average American and be tortured!  

 

#654 Everyone at Walmart is Pregnant

fertility Add comments

Welcome to Walmart. The store where everyone is pregnant. That 16 year old cashier is pregnant. The lady in aisle five is pregnant. That woman in the pickle aisle is pregnant. And those who aren’t pregnant have at least four children.
You can no longer go into a Walmart without running into someone who is (a) pregnant, (b) has at least five children or (c) works at the store, pregnant. And it’s not just the customers. All the employees are pregnant too. The door greeter who looks like she’s eighty appears to have a baby bump. Your cashier, who looks like she could be on the reality show, 16 and Pregnant, is expecting. It’s like you have to be pregnant in order to work there.

To make things worse, Walmart once introduced Midge, Barbie’s pregnant friend, in the toy department. Sure. Barbie’s friend can get pregnant but you are still stuck in the infertile aisle.
ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS. IF YOU ARE INFERTILE, PLEASE LEAVE THE STORE IMMEDIATELY!

08.05.11

Clomid-- My arch-enemy best friend has returned. Just popped the first pill of the 5 day cycle. Here's prayers, hopes, dreams, and Heather even said I can steal some of her birthday mojo!

Clomid

That was fast. I just posted about my new cycle starting with the clomid and I got 3 e-mails asking exactly what Clmomid is. See attached link. Let's just say it's a blessing and curse all wrapped in a tiny white pill.. lol

CLOMID

Start Cycle 3

So tomorrow I start a new round of Clomid. I'm excited and I know that with each cycle we get one step closer to having a baby, but the Clomid is hard on your body. It makes me crazy, gives me hot flashes, mood swings. And we are not talking your run of the mill PMS stuff I'm talking full on menopause, 8 months pregnant stuff...
My manager at work probably gets tired of getting msg's from me telling him I'm sweating like a pig and need the air turned up!
While my co-workers sit and complain of being cold, which only makes me want to slap them because I'm already moody lol.
So I start tomorrow and I take the clomid thru Tuesday. My appt at Dr Holman is 08.15.11 @ 8:15 to see if I produce any follicles this month! I sure hope so!!

2nd Cycle ended.

So we failed the first cycle. I hate the word failed in the sentence. It makes me feel like I didn't study for it and because of my own CHOICE I failed it. So lets say we didn't get a sticky on the first cycle. We went back to Dr Holman on 07.07.11 to have an ultrasound to make sure that since my progestereon was so low(5.6) that my follicule didn't turn into a cyst. Luckily it did not.

I started clomid again on 07.08.11 up to 100mg this time.

Went into Dr Holman's office 07.18.11 for an Ultrasound to make sure I had produced follicules. YAY I had 3!!

One 24 mm, a 22mm, and a 17mm. I took the HCG trigger shot and we went home and "did our home work lol"

One week later went in for the progesterone test to make sure I ovulated and got a 19.8!! yay. In case your not familiar they want it over a 10 for a good ovulation.

I thought for SURE I was pregnant but unfortunatly I woke up on 08.01.11 to the Lovely AF( aunt flow).

Oh and BTW anyone I may have been rude, harsh,jumpy, and smart with that day forgive me..I was a bit depressed.

Playing Catch up

Well to get started I'd like to post some history from my livejournal account where I've been posting in regards to our infertility treatments. Please see the following links if your not yet aware of our last few months since our first Infertility appointment 06.10.11

http://lisanicoles.livejournal.com/