Moving on

I'm sad to report that we have failed another cycle. I thought for sure I was pregnant when I wok up this morning and my period had not came. But no Aunt Flow decided to play with my mind and decided to wait later in the day (after I had bought pregnancy test's) to show up at work.
   I was so heart broken AGAIN. I mean I wonder sometimes why do I put myself thru this every month. But I know it's worth it. 
I start clomid again Friday, and go back for my mid-cycle ultrasound 09.12.11.
   I did have an amazingly spirit filled ride home. I got in the car and heard Billy Graham preaching about right when you think God has abandoned you you turn to see he's been by your side the whole time. Then I heart Praise you in this Storm. It was meant for me I'm 100% sure.

A Momentary Pity Party

I was just given the new's of yet another pregnancy. I've had 11 COUNT THEM 11!! people get pregnant since I started fertility treatment. 
I have already said I WILL be happy for them.
I only allowed myself a moment of self pity.
I'm ready to move on now as an adult and stop whining...
Well maybe 5 more minutes...

Mid cycle Ultrasound

So went to the Dr this morning for my Mid Cycle ultrasound. I had one 22 mm follicle on the right ovary, and 1 14 mm follicle on the left( the 14 mm is not considered mature, so technically just one this cycle. I took the HCG shot again as well.
We did sit down and also discuss the possibility of an IUI (click here if you want more information). 

He's not in any rush for us to do the IUI. Just wanted to lay it out on the table as a possibility. So Let's hope this little follicle will soon be our baby!! lol 

 

Infertility: The Music Video (lol)

I found this on 999 reasons to laugh at infertility. I actually laughed out loud to many times to count. lol

downside

Up until this 3rd cycle on clomid I had not had any of the "massive" headaches associated with clomid. Well they defiantly visited me this week! It started last Sunday and I had a bad one the whole morning. I just over looked it thinking it was just a typical headache nothing to really write home about. So starting Thursday I literally had a mind numbing headache ALL DAY. I mean I was almost in tears multiple times at work Thursday. Then Friday same thing. I woke up late this morning and it didn't start until about 12pm but is' been lingering all day. No meds help it either which is what really sucks. I'm worried because last time I went to my primary dr my blood pressure was up a little. Now keep in mind I told her the nurse(who was out that day) usually checks it in the beginning and then again before I leave because I'm always a nervous wreck before I go the doctor lol but she refused. She is having me come back in Oct to have a f/u appt. I guess I will talk to Dr Holman about it Monday and see if he thinks it is Clomid induced first.
         On another note I've got my nerves so wired up for Monday. I keep thinking oh we'll go in and have no follicles which would basically leave us waiting out another cycle. I mean I'm keeping the faith, and I'm being patient, but this is such an exciting time. I mean if we go in and we have produced follicles I at least have hope this could be the time. So I guess we will just wait and see what happens!

Get Motivated

I went to the Get Motivated Seminar today and well I was Motivated. Not only in work, but in life goals, ect. Just wanted to add that note in lol.
The Clomid is finished and my ovary's are hurting!
I go in Monday to have the U;ultrasound to see if the Clomid helped me make follicles this month(oh please oh please).

I've also started eating a Diabetic friendly diet. Now while I'm not technically Diabetic I do deal with the Insulin Resistance so it only helps. 
I may not have time to post much more this week. But I will let everyoneknow how the appt goes Monday!
Love you all and God Bless!
Nicole

encouragement

I received a very encouraging e-mail from a friend regarding my new Blog. Her husband and her have also been struggling with PCOS and infertility. I'd like to add a small piece that really moved me...

 One night we were hanging out with a friend's parents and out of the blue, our friend's mom reached over to me and said, "I'm praying for your womb." I had never shared the pain and heartache we felt, so I was taken a back by her candidness-- and embarrassed. So, a long story to basically say, I'm praying for your womb. And for your encouragement. I'll be thinking of you guys and praying for you often. God bless you on this journey!

To keep her identity a closed subject I did remove most the E-mail as they are expecting a little one of their own and would like to wait a little longer before sharing the good news! These words she said to me though meant so much. I mean people always says oh we are praying for you, and yes your thankful. But never before have I thought "Oh WOW, she really cares, and she is really side by side with us petitioning God for this child in our lives.

        I guess it just comes down to the fact of many times I have been angry with God and questioned WHY? Why do these people who don't even deserve kids have them, and why do people who don't want them  and don't take care for them have them. God has answered me with a simple yet very clear answer. Who am I to ever question his will, his power, and his plan. If God puts something into place it only happens when it is in his time, and on track with his will. So I'm left having Faith that He has never left me in this scary journey. He has always been right there whispering in my ear keep going child. I'm here with you. And when you wake up that day and see how fully I've blessed you along this path you will stand in Awe. When I finally hold my Child I'll experience it in a way some people will never understand. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

999 Reasons to laugh at Infetility.

 I love 999 rasons to laugh at infertility. It's so funny to read thru these and see I'm not the only crazy person out there lol.

Check it out @ 999reasonstolaugh

One of my favorites so far though is # 654. This especially apply's to me since Alan works in the Walmart Pharmacy. I have to go in there more often the average American and be tortured!  

 

#654 Everyone at Walmart is Pregnant

fertility Add comments

Welcome to Walmart. The store where everyone is pregnant. That 16 year old cashier is pregnant. The lady in aisle five is pregnant. That woman in the pickle aisle is pregnant. And those who aren’t pregnant have at least four children.
You can no longer go into a Walmart without running into someone who is (a) pregnant, (b) has at least five children or (c) works at the store, pregnant. And it’s not just the customers. All the employees are pregnant too. The door greeter who looks like she’s eighty appears to have a baby bump. Your cashier, who looks like she could be on the reality show, 16 and Pregnant, is expecting. It’s like you have to be pregnant in order to work there.

To make things worse, Walmart once introduced Midge, Barbie’s pregnant friend, in the toy department. Sure. Barbie’s friend can get pregnant but you are still stuck in the infertile aisle.
ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS. IF YOU ARE INFERTILE, PLEASE LEAVE THE STORE IMMEDIATELY!

08.05.11

Clomid-- My arch-enemy best friend has returned. Just popped the first pill of the 5 day cycle. Here's prayers, hopes, dreams, and Heather even said I can steal some of her birthday mojo!

Clomid

That was fast. I just posted about my new cycle starting with the clomid and I got 3 e-mails asking exactly what Clmomid is. See attached link. Let's just say it's a blessing and curse all wrapped in a tiny white pill.. lol

CLOMID

Start Cycle 3

So tomorrow I start a new round of Clomid. I'm excited and I know that with each cycle we get one step closer to having a baby, but the Clomid is hard on your body. It makes me crazy, gives me hot flashes, mood swings. And we are not talking your run of the mill PMS stuff I'm talking full on menopause, 8 months pregnant stuff...
My manager at work probably gets tired of getting msg's from me telling him I'm sweating like a pig and need the air turned up!
While my co-workers sit and complain of being cold, which only makes me want to slap them because I'm already moody lol.
So I start tomorrow and I take the clomid thru Tuesday. My appt at Dr Holman is 08.15.11 @ 8:15 to see if I produce any follicles this month! I sure hope so!!

2nd Cycle ended.

So we failed the first cycle. I hate the word failed in the sentence. It makes me feel like I didn't study for it and because of my own CHOICE I failed it. So lets say we didn't get a sticky on the first cycle. We went back to Dr Holman on 07.07.11 to have an ultrasound to make sure that since my progestereon was so low(5.6) that my follicule didn't turn into a cyst. Luckily it did not.

I started clomid again on 07.08.11 up to 100mg this time.

Went into Dr Holman's office 07.18.11 for an Ultrasound to make sure I had produced follicules. YAY I had 3!!

One 24 mm, a 22mm, and a 17mm. I took the HCG trigger shot and we went home and "did our home work lol"

One week later went in for the progesterone test to make sure I ovulated and got a 19.8!! yay. In case your not familiar they want it over a 10 for a good ovulation.

I thought for SURE I was pregnant but unfortunatly I woke up on 08.01.11 to the Lovely AF( aunt flow).

Oh and BTW anyone I may have been rude, harsh,jumpy, and smart with that day forgive me..I was a bit depressed.

Playing Catch up

Well to get started I'd like to post some history from my livejournal account where I've been posting in regards to our infertility treatments. Please see the following links if your not yet aware of our last few months since our first Infertility appointment 06.10.11

http://lisanicoles.livejournal.com/