I spend most the day reading my books for our fostering class. To be honest it really just depressed me. Obviously we want to foster to help yes but our ULTIMATE goal is adoption. These books are not encouraging if that if your dream. I keep saying Ok Lord I know your in this so please show me that light at the end of the tunnel. The Devil has been doing a good job hiding it from me here lately.
Also this month Alan will be administering my HCG shot at home. I skipped on going in for the ultrasound this month to try to save a little money. Dr Holman is letting me do the shot at home since I've been going since last June and have never had a month that I did not produce follicles. Lets just pray this takes this month. Once again yes I have faith, and yes I trust the Lords plans but I will never say It's easy. Because it is not.
I don't want to live my life by cycle days. This last 9 months has literally FLOWN by for me. Faster then any other period in my life before. Because I live my life from month to month waiting on the one day where I know if it took or not and If I'm finally going to be a mother.
All that said to say this...
I don't typically set goals with the new year( which is obvious since I'm just setting these =] ) But I have a few for myself this year...
*Slow down. Quit running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Spend a little more time sitting on the couch doing nothing with my hubby, and not so much running around.
*Don't hate myself when I don't become pregnant. Quit beating yourself up every month when it doesn't happen.
* Get some Patience....(lets move that to #1)
*Breath...Relax...Stop stressing over every little thing.
* Let your house get messy. And don't worry about it. No one cares if my toilets are cleaned twice a week, and my dishes are put away everynight.
*Spend more time in God's Word. Spend time in fellowship with him alone.
*Take a vacation. A REAL Vacation. Spend the week doing nothing. Cut the cell phone off and relax.
*Take a month or two off from trying to conceive if I have not by June. Spend June and July off all the meds, and shots, and Dr visits.
*stick to your goals of going to the Gym with Heather weekday mornings( starting 01.03.12 yay)
* Thank God for your my blessings everyday. Quit dwelling on what I don't have and be thankful for what I do have.
* And last but not least. LOVE MYSELF!! Embrace who I am as a person. Embrace that some things about me might be broken, but that God heals all.
So those are a few things I WILL do. I'm physically tired, and Mentally exhausted and I need a change.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
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