Breast is Best...but it doesn't alwasy work

I had every intentions of feeding my sweet baby breastmilk. To the point I never EVER thought about formula. It had been made very clear by many people Breast is Best. Period. Well unfortunatly things don't always work that way. When Jude was born by C-section as soon as I was wheeled into the recovery room someone came in started trying to get him to latch. He was resistant and she managed to get a little colustrum into him by her finger and said he was just tired we would try later. unfortunatly after getting to the mother baby floors around 9:45 my family came up and had all headed home by 10:45 for the night. We continued to try to get my sweet baby to latch on which he failed to do. He was gaggin and kept turning blue. He was taken to NICU around 1am and we found out he would be admitted. He was in NICU for 9 days and through out the time I pumped every 2 hours religiously as I was told. I tried to feed him but he was not able to latch. We finally were given a shield but he still acted very hesitant to feed. Finally we started bottle feeding him what I had pumped. One day lacatation came in and pretty much told me I had no choice I had to get him to latch insinuating I was a bad mother if i gave him formula as he was not gaining weight like he should be. While "working" with us one day( aka forcing my son onto my breast as he screamed and cried) He quit breathing. She was shocked and jus kinda stared while I shook him trying to get him to breath in. She said oh well I'm not sure what to do about that. Finally one day while I was napping my mother was visiting helping with baby so we could get a little sleep and when latation came in she KINDLY informed them I would pump exclusivley and they needed to leave it be. Other then dirty looks I never heard anything about it agian.
         Fast forward a little bit and we came home. Jude still would not latch and I was pumping every 2 hours and feeding him out of a bottle. I had been sick for over a week from doing this. Feeling like I had the flu ect. I later found out is was sleep deprivation from all the time in the NICU and making myself wake every two hrs at night to pump, then feeding baby. Between all of it, and stressing myself because I wasn't a "good" mother I was only sleeping about 1-3 hours a day if i was lucky. We finally made the hard choice to supplement with formula. I have been informed how I should continue to try, if I was determined enough and loved my son I would make it work. I still have certain people to this day that everytime I see them they have something to say. To those people I know what is best for me and my baby. I feel sad that I could not breastfeed. I longed for that but it didn't work. I love my son and I'm doing what's best for him and our family. So please so kindly butt out. My body, my boobs, my baby, my business.

BREASTFEEDING MOTHERS:

Mothers who breastfeed should be celebrated.  They are fantastic mothers who want what is best for their children.  They are strong, intelligent women who love their children enough to feed them in the best way they can.  Their children will be healthy, happy and strong because of the love a breastfeeding mother puts  into every feed, the time she spends bonding with her child and because her child is being nurtured and feed well.  Many breastfeeding mothers have overcome huge obstacles, heartbreaking experiences and pain – physically and emotionally to feed their babies. Often they have also had to deal with criticism from uneducated, rude individuals for breastfeeding their baby.  Many find that there is not enough support which is not good enough as a breastfeeding mother should have all the support she needs to breastfeed from her whole community.   A breastfeeding mother should be proud of the way she feeds her baby, she should celebrate what a wonderful mother she is and should know that she is successfully doing the best for her family and herself by providing healthy, nutritious food and love.  

BOTTLEFEEDING MOTHERS:

Mothers who bottlefeed should be celebrated.  They are fantastic mothers who want what is best for their children.  They are strong, intelligent women who love their children enough to feed them in the best way they can.  Their children will be healthy, happy and strong because of the love a bottlefeeding mother puts  into every feed, the time she spends bonding with her child and because her child is being nurtured and feed well.  Many bottlefeeding mothers have overcome huge obstacles, heartbreaking experiences and pain – physically and emotionally to feed their babies. Often they have also had to deal with criticism from uneducated, rude individuals for bottlefeeding their baby.  Many find that there is not enough support which is not good enough as a bottlefeeding mother should have all the support she needs to bottlefeed from her whole community.   A bottlefeeding mother should be proud of the way she feeds her baby, she should celebrate what a wonderful mother she is and should know that she is successfully doing the best for her family and herself by providing healthy, nutritious food and love.

6 Weeks

Wow I have not had time to update the blog nearly as much since Jude got here...Were to start.
We got to come home on Oct 19th after 9 days in NICU.  Coming home was so fun/exciting and so scary as well. I think I spent the first week constantly checking him to make sure he was breathing lol. Because when Jude was in the NICU I was only able to actually breast feed him once a day if I was lucky we had some latching issues( well he would only latch on for minutes without the shield and was not getting enough to eat). I had been pumping in the hospital and feeding it to him via bottle. He was taking it good but was not gaining weight fast enough. We has 6 lb 9 oz when born, and when we left the hospital 9 days later he was still on 6lb 3 oz. I decided to supplement with formula to help his weight gain. We got home on Friday and when we went to the Dr on Monday and he had gained up to 6lbs 7 oz. Between supplementing and trying to pump as much as I should my milk just wasn't enough and slowly started to dry up. So We switched Jude over to all formula. I wish it wouldn't have ended that way but I'd rather hae had it happen that way and him be healthy then vice versa. I've received some flack on it from certain people (aka people who need to mind their own business). Comments made, but its all in one ear and out the other. Every baby is different. every situation is different, and we did what we thought was best for our son.
                So now in two days my little guy will be 6 weeks old. I can't believe how fast time flies. He is sleeping 5-6 hours at night. Tries to hold his head up when hes on his tummy and anytime we will let him lol( hes still a little wobbly). He's starting to make more cooing noises, and smiling a little. We haven't had but maybe one or two reactive smiles but he should be here in the nest few weeks. Also he can no fit into some of hos 0-3 months clothes but still tends to fit better in his newborn clothes. when we went for his month check up he was up to 8lbs 7 oz so hes doing great on the weight gain now. During the day he goes anywhere from 2-4 hours between feedings just depending. And he he spends at least 2-3 hours in real alert time where hes looking everywhere and taking it all in. So he is doing great.
               We have been doing good to adjusting to parenthood. It's very different then you plan on it to be but so worth it. The first month was so tiring.. I felt like we never could rest. I didn't get the rest I needed in the hospital because when the nurses were trying to get me to rest i insisted on spending all my time in the NICU.  It was basically I didn't sleep any on the 9th or 10th. Then Jude was born that night and taken to NICU around 1am. I had not slept at that point since the 8th. I stayed up all night waiting for them to take me to NICU. I was still partially numb, has leg pumps on, and a cath so I had to be taken in a wheelchair. She finally took me at 5 am and I didn't come back to my room until 1 am the next morning. I then finally fell asleep around 4am, and was back up at 5:30am heading to NICU. This was how it was for days. I think the whole 9 days I was in the hospital I slept maybe 8 hours. Most of that was once we got in the transition room and my mom would come up during the day and watch Jude and I would fall asleep for an hr in the recliner. Defiantly not the most fun. I actually started to freak out because I was so tired I sometimes literally could not remember what day it was or how long I had been there. Then once we got home I went for my two week follow up and my incision looked great. About 2 days later I noticed it had opened back up and was bleeding. I called the Dr and they had me come in. The informed me it wasn't a concern it happens alot but they put me on an antibiotic just in case to prevent infection. Two days later it had opened a little more. I ended up going back and she said it was just releasing extra fluid( I know gross). I had to go in a week later to f.u with my Dr and let her check it and make sure it was healing ok. I went in and she said it looked great.She said it looked great.I went home and I swear if over the weekend another place didn't open and the old one started bleeding again! She had me come back in and it all was fine as far as infection. They just kept having me come in to check it to make sure it wasn't getting worse. So i go back tomorrow and thankfully its been a week and it seems to have healed up mostly. It's still tender and the scar ofcourse still looks fresh which it will for months. But overall it looks good. So hopefully as of tomorrow I will be good to go.
        So overall things have been great. We love little JUJU bean to death and feel so blessed to have this little guy in our lives. I've been asked a few times if we will have anymore kids. Obviously God is the only one who knows that for sure. I said after he was born I wouldn't have anymore because all the drama we went through. But as time goes on I'm going back to my old state of mind in that I would love to have another one. Only time will tell.

Newborn pic

Working on holding my head up

My first night home...Mommy looks a little tired/dead lol